I am not your typical mom.

There, I said it. I’m not the Pinterest-perfect mom who cooks cute bento boxes for her kids, nor am I the one whose little girl has tight pigtails or different bows of headband with matchy outfits daily. I’m not the mom who sleep trains and has her kid on a locked schedule that is unbendable. Heck, I’m not even the mom who is able to create reviewers and study guides so my daughter can learn how to read at the age of 2 or draw straight lines and trace letters at the age of 3.

I love social media—much of my work is related to social media, but we all have to admit it breeds envy and comparison. I love it when I see my other mom friends doing arts and crafts or cooking and baking with their kids… or whenever I see Montessori learning sample posts and perfectly organized playroom or nursery. But part of me feels pulled down, in a way, because I’m not at all like that.

I love spending time with my daughter, but when I do, we just play. We watch TV together, we draw on her blackboard, and play house (she loves setting up the table, complete with food, utensils, and glasses). We run outside the house whenever we can or I push her on her bike. I love watching her climb up the playground and go down the slides. We read books whenever we can, and I let her doodle, a lot. It’s like “working” side by side with her when I’m jotting down notes or when I’m on my laptop. It’s more… playing, than learning. Oooh and don’t even get me started on potty training. I think we started late, and it has been driving me insane. No progress whatsoever and it’s been months (though we haven’t been consistent—my fault, once again). So I truly feel that, more often than not, I fall short when it comes to being a “good mom” whenever I look at “other moms”.

I am also (still, after 3+ years) trying to find my balance. I now work from home, and with baby #2 on the way.  Whenever I spend time with Maiella, I feel guilty about not being able to be “productive” at my work—added to the guilt of not being able to contribute enough financially at home. But when I work or do household chores, I feel guilty leaving her on her own—though she is excellent in entertaining herself, singing and dancing in front of the mirror, building blocks and basically making a mess.  Yes, I know that it is a matter of time management, and since every day is different (like when I make a time block for my work but then she wakes up cranky and needy), it’s also a lot of improvisation on my end…

So, like I always do when I feel lost and confused and helpless—I prayed and prayed in order to feel better, even less guilty than usual. I started reading parenting devotionals and got to reflect on what I can give my kids in light of my shortcomings. What can I promise them? I ended up with four items, which I want to share with you today. 

PRAYER

Isn’t this by far the easiest thing we can give our children? I think, growing up, my mom has prayed hard for me that’s why I am where I am right now. I did a few detours, true, but I just know in my heart that my mom’s prayers have been a great factor in keeping me on track.

Everyday, I pray for my daughters’ health (Maiella’s and Baby K’s), their future, and their hearts. I pray that they grow up to become God-fearing, kind, and generous. Whatever is good in us (Warren and myself), I pray that they inherit it. Just the good ones. I also pray that they would always know and feel how much we love them and that we want the best for them. I pray that their patience won’t run out in times when mine does, and we’ll have a great relationship as they grow up.

TIME

I read somewhere that if you’re given the choice between an opportunity and the kids, always choose the kids. And this is what I did, even if it meant slowing things down a lot. Even if it meant putting my dreams on hold. I came to the U.S. hoping to pursue my dream of becoming big in the events industry (my goal was a minimum of 25 events a year!), but having Maiella changed my perspective. It’s not that I don’t have that dream anymore, I still do. But I just know that if it doesn’t happen in the next 5 or even 10 years, I’ll be okay with that because I know I have spent more time at home, with her and her sister. 🙂

MODEL RELATIONSHIPS

The top 3 relationships I value in my life are my relationship with God, my marriage with Warren, and my relationship with my family. There’s been bumps on the road over the years, and still a lot to work on, but I am pretty content where we’re all at right now. It’s a constant work in progress. I am praying and working on sustaining these relationships— keeping all of them harmonious, fun and smooth–because I want my kids to grow up seeing the good in them. I want them to have a strong foundation in our family, and hopefully this becomes a guide for their own relationships growing up.

HOME

More than a house, I want to give Maiella and baby K a sense of home in our family. I want them to feel security, peace, and unconditional love. We’re right in the middle of a pandemic, when everyone all over the world is obliged to have “shelter in place” or “quarantined”, and it’s completely scary. But when Maiella grows up, she won’t remember the craziness outside with the government and people dying and panic buying in the groceries. She’ll remember what it felt like when she had to stay at home with mom and dad. As parents there is nothing more we want than to protect our children from whatever is “out there”. I would like her to remember the sense of security and peace that we’re able to give her.

More than what I cannot do for them, I’ll focus on these four things that I can give. Then I know in my heart that I will no longer feel less of a mom than those I see online. 😉